Questionable Thoughts

I’ve been using my little grey cells again. Blame it on the hour-long bus rides to and from university, blame it on my ever-increasing maturity (*snort*), blame it on whatever you want. The point is, I’ve been thinking. (Brace yourselves!)

When two people in a close relationship fight or have an argument because of one person saying or doing something hurtful, do those two people ever get past it? Even if the person who made the mistake apologizes, does the other person ever really stop hurting? Does the apologizer ever feel less guilty about whatever he/she did? Does apologizing ever really help? Is there even such a thing as to “forgive and forget”?

Is “sorry” really the hardest word? Or is it just a quick, easy way of ending a long, drawn-out argument? Is it ever too late to apologize, if you really mean it? Does making a mistake condemn you for life? Does every fight come at a price?

Why do people in the closest of relationships always have the biggest arguments? Why do misunderstandings happen so often among people who supposedly know each other well? Friends, spouses, siblings … when people know each other for so long, shouldn’t the number of arguments become less, not more? Is that the price we pay for closeness? Is it ever possible to be close to someone and never argue? To see eye-to-eye about everything? Is there even such a thing as a fight-free relationship? Or does fighting mean that you care more?

Why do life and relationships get more complex the older you grow? Why do things that never bothered you when you were young get to you when you’re older? As a child, you never read between the lines, you never assumed, you were never paranoid. Why does growing up come with all those extra attachments? Does anyone ever reach emotional maturity? Does there ever come a point in time when you don’t feel confused and lost anymore?

Why does life have so many questions? Is there such a thing as “too many questions”? Do any of these questions have answers? Do we just keep asking, in the hopes of finding an answer some day, or do we just accept the fact that they have no answers and stop wondering altogether?

Does any of this make any sense? More importantly, is it about time I got a new tag for these “thinky” (read: nonsensical) posts?

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12 thoughts on “Questionable Thoughts

  1. Tifossi September 26, 2008 / 2:43 pm

    questions which just hit the nail on the head again and again..well put…I feel fights make people closer than before provided they really want to get back

  2. Confused Soul July 30, 2008 / 2:02 pm

    Nice post! I guess we all have the same questions about life and relationships.. I always ask myself, Why is it so difficult to understand the behaviour of people? Or rather, why are people so complex? Expectations rise as you get closer to a person. I think it is best not to expect too much from anyone, however close the person is to you. That’s make life simpler šŸ™‚

  3. Priyanka July 23, 2008 / 8:38 pm

    Heylo! I have returned after a long slumber to give my two-cents worth. I am quite relieved to see that you have the same questions about life as I do. It is strange but I guess my only response to all your questions is time is the answer and the healer. If you have had an argument with a close one, and you somehow forgive, time will tell you if you have truly forgotten the tiff. If you have a lot of questions time will show you the way and help you answer those questions. I hope it makes some sense.

  4. Narayan July 22, 2008 / 4:57 am

    Sorry- I’ve written my comments in “answer” style. Cudn’t think of anything else at this time of night…

  5. Narayan July 22, 2008 / 4:56 am

    I’ll try to be a bit more serious on this one- for question 1, what matters is how bad the offence really is or how it may affect a relationship; an apology may or may not make up for the hurt that has already ben caused. Plus there has to be something like forgive, but not forget, coz that’s just way to “doormat-ish” and ultimately the guilty party will certainly end up feeling all too happy that the whole matter’s been settled so easily.For q2) I use sorry mainly to stop fights with me mum or pop, but I reckon it’s easy to recognize a “heartfelt” sorry and distinguish it from the “eyewash” types.q3) Any healthy relationship ought to have fights- life can’t always be sweet, can it (cliched, I know)? More over it shows that both partners/ siblings/whoever you wish to put after this, are actually trying to solve a problem, but are approaching it the wrong way (my humble belief). Fights also can spice things up and break the monotony of a routined life, well. Before it gets way out of hand, dispute solving measures like bargaining, reasoning and “all that” should come into effect. Coz ultimately a compromise has to be reached, eh? Having bad fights often means that there may be a real problem which is not being tackled properly, that’s all. Plus I reckon that fights show the growth of a personality within an individual ( usually young people, like us, whose way of looking at things may not be the way the other members of the group actually want to look at things) and this growth is not expected by other members of the family, etc etc. It may also be the conflict between two dominant personalities ( Don’t ask me how that came about- it sounded grand though)q4) you become more mature- you’ve hit the nail on the head. Spot on! Any person’s/ persons’ actions become clearer to a person as he/she becomes older. Methinks so…q5) I reckon we need to find our own answers to a few of these questions, but seriously, I don’t reckon any man/woman in history can actually catalogue all these questions, eh?The tags I leave to you- coz, firstly you come up with good names for them (yes, you may want to change ’em- It’s getting way too random to be called random :D) and and secondly it’s two in the night here, and my eyes are slowly setting themselves to screen saver mode. P.S. I have officially “thunk” a lot today. G’nite!!

  6. sowmya July 21, 2008 / 1:17 pm

    Nice to see you’re thinking, sis. All of the thoughts you have have multiple answers…yes, it is the inevitable fallout of growing up that you think too much, and things aren’t that simple anymore. But you know what, that’s the fun of life, and you’ll see that soon. Till then, to tide you over this in-between stage..here’s a bucketful of hugs and kisses. Mwaah!

  7. soleil July 20, 2008 / 12:12 am

    Woah that’s a whole lot of questions there missy. I think that when two people know eachother well enough, they know which buttons to push to irritate the other and thus, when in an argument, it tends to get more ugly. But if the relationship is important enough to both then they’ll find a way to get past it after it’s done and this may involve one or the other having to give in and say “sorry”. As for the relationship complexity question, man I wish I knew. This reminds me of the lyrics of a song by Ben Jelen called Slow Down. It goes, “I’d trade wisdom back in for innocence”. I don’t know why reading your post made me think of it but it did and now it’s got me wondering if I’d do the same.Life’s questions are what makes us wonder and think and use those things in our heads. I’ve been told that I think too much sometimes and I tend to see this as a good thing cos otherwise, I’d be just going about my almost routine life like some robot. And yes, your post does make sense šŸ˜‰ Whoever said a post can’t be made up of mostly questions?

  8. Akshay July 19, 2008 / 3:33 am

    Apologies most certainly don’t have a “last date” attached to them – you can apologize at any time you feel prepared enough to do so – and if the other person is sane enough, he/she will accept it.And as far as things getting more complex stand – yeah, superficially they get more complex because your ability to think increases more as you mature. But then, with time, life becomes simpler – because you come to realize that there are just a bunch of basic things that matter – the rest are just a function of how good your abilities are at differentiating between important and non-important stuff. When you become responsible for your actions – you slowly but surely get that ability.

  9. Urv July 18, 2008 / 11:32 pm

    Oh baba re.. You have been doing some thinking šŸ™‚ Apologies do set things right if they are heartfelt and given that one does not have to apologize too often for the same things..

  10. shub July 18, 2008 / 9:52 am

    WHY does your post have 30 questions?! šŸ˜› heh, jokes apart…yes there is such a thing as too many questions. Don’t overanalyse, don’t overthink. Sometimes, just letting things be helps :)hugs!

  11. alpine path July 18, 2008 / 12:21 am

    One simple reason for the number of quarrels to increase as we get closer to a person is that we expect a lot from a close relationship and when that person fails to reach/satisfy that expectation, there arises quarrels. Similarly, as kids, we never had expectations of others. As we grow into adults, we develop certain expectations about others and that leads to quarrels again. Good post šŸ™‚

  12. Macho Girl July 17, 2008 / 11:12 pm

    When two people in a close relationship fight or have an argument because of one person saying or doing something hurtful, do those two people ever get past it? Of course they do! with effort, anything can be done! Even if the person who made the mistake apologizes, does the other person ever really stop hurting? Yeah lah. Unless the other person always dwells in the past which makes it the other person’s problem šŸ˜› Does the apologizer ever feel less guilty about whatever he/she did? Does apologizing ever really help? Is there even such a thing as to “forgive and forget”? Yes, apologizing makes the heart much lighter when it comes “dil se” :)I have apologized several times and it made things better šŸ™‚ Is “sorry” really the hardest word? Nope, unless u have a mile high ego! Or is it just a quick, easy way of ending a long, drawn-out argument? it can be if you are a coward or just dont care! Is it ever too late to apologize, if you really mean it? Its never too late… dont listen to One Republic! Does making a mistake condemn you for life? Does every fight come at a price? some fights do come at a price. But not all mistakes condemn you for life unless the other person is keen on guilt tripping youWhy do people in the closest of relationships always have the biggest arguments? Why do misunderstandings happen so often among people who supposedly know each other well? Friends, spouses, siblings … when people know each other for so long, shouldn’t the number of arguments become less, not more? Is that the price we pay for closeness? Is it ever possible to be close to someone and never argue? To see eye-to-eye about everything? Is there even such a thing as a fight-free relationship? Or does fighting mean that you care more? This has me stumped too… maybe fighting is a way of getting us to realise how much the loved one means to us. Esp during the making up process. Whenever we made up after fights, i realised how lucky i was to have you for a friend! I dont see it as a price to pay. it just makes the fun times 100x more fun!Why do life and relationships get more complex the older you grow? Why do things that never bothered you when you were young get to you when you’re older? As a child, you never read between the lines, you never assumed, you were never paranoid. Why does growing up come with all those extra attachments? Coz your life itself becomes more complex. your problems are more than just “my toy is broken… waaah!”. No matter how much we love each other, we all go through different things that make us different people. Fighting is just one way of learning more about each other (as long as you make up finally!) Does anyone ever reach emotional maturity? Does there ever come a point in time when you don’t feel confused and lost anymore? I dont think so… unless you are like buddha!Why does life have so many questions? Is there such a thing as “too many questions”? Do any of these questions have answers? Do we just keep asking, in the hopes of finding an answer some day, or do we just accept the fact that they have no answers and stop wondering altogether? The answer is “42”! :PDoes any of this make any sense? More importantly, is it about time I got a new tag for these “thinky” (read: nonsensical) posts? If it inspires you to blog or just generally ponder over life’s questions more often, then yes!! My two dollars worth šŸ˜› Yeah, i am quite expensive… cheaply so šŸ˜›

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