"Small" Talk

Friday nights during semester time are reserved for Smallville-watching. At the end of a long, hard week (shut up, our weeks are totally difficult and traumatizing!), MG and I sit down to have dinner while enjoying our favourite guilty pleasure. I think I speak for the both of us when I say that I have no clue what we see in the show – apart from the ridiculously pretty (and talented) cast, pretty much everything about the show is mock-worthy and completely riddled with plot holes. And still, MG and I watch this travesty without fail, often fretting and fuming when episodes aren’t uploaded on time.

Usually, most shows go on hiatus in December, taking a break for Christmas and New Year. Sometimes, though, they air these so-called “Christmas specials” right in the middle of the month, breaking the hiatus into two parts. This year, Smallville decided to do an important episode on December 13th, creating a problem for MG and me. We were both going to be in our respective homes (in two different cities) in December, and neither of us wanted to wait all the way till January to watch the episode together in Singapore, especially since there had been some indication by way of spoilers that something big was going to be revealed in the episode. Dilemma!

So we came up with this elaborate plan to watch the episode “together” virtually. After much deliberation that involved wondering if we should use GTalk’s chat or phone feature to communicate during the episode and whether we should bother using web-cams, MG and I decided that we would both watch the episode simultaneously on our respective laptops, and use chat to “OMG!” and “WTF?!” our way through it.

Of course, there were complications. By pure chance, I found the episode on YouTube in the middle of the afternoon on Friday, something that never happens back in Singapore. We sometimes have to wait till midnight to be able to see the episode – that’s usually how long it takes for the episode to be uploaded. Having chanced upon the YouTube links, I called MG immediately to inform her. She, poor thing, couldn’t come online immediately due to visiting guests, and had to suffer about half an hour of torturous waiting before she was able to log on. As luck would have it, the power in my house went out five minutes before she came online, causing me to lose my broadband connection. The inverter, which ALWAYS works, somehow failed on me too. In frustration, I told MG I’d use dial-up and come online so we could watch, but just as I was connecting, my computer suddenly (and I mean suddenly) lost all power and decided to hibernate for the rest of the afternoon.


I hopped around the house a bit, cursing my (and consequently MG’s) bad luck, while my amused parents watched on. My poor Dad tried to call the electrician so he’d come repair the inverter, to no avail. So for an hour and a half, I fretted and fumed, claiming that someone up there was testing my patience and MG and my devotion to Smallville.

Well, turns out we’re very devoted. (Maybe stupidly so, but who cares?) At 4.30 pm, the power was back, the computer and the broadband connection were working and the YouTube links had not been taken down yet. Hallelujah! Although it took a while to re-load, MG and I weren’t too annoyed – we used the time to prep for the episode. And by “prep for the episode”, I mean “bash Lana Lang”. As an example, a snippet of our conversation:

Me: There’s supposed to be some big twist in this episode – let’s hope it’s good.
MG: (speculating and being very optimistic) Lana dies … PERMANENTLY!

MG, once upon a sweet, innocent time, used to be neutral towards the phenomenon that is Lana Lang. As time wore on, and she watched more episodes (and I continued to brainwash her), she came to realize just how detestable this character actually was (and is). I also educated her about the show runners’ inexplicable devotion to the character and their refusal to ever let her be shown in a negative light, or better (in my opinion, of course), kill her off. Which led to some more interesting discussion between MG and me:

MG: Oh! I know the twist! In a much awaited move, the mayor gives Lana the town key and renames it “Lanaville” to honour the struggles that Lana has been through in life, for opening the Talon and now having Isis to help meteor freaks. Then she gets the Nobel Peace prize!
Me: And then both Clark and Lex offer to be her slaves, and it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t love either, cuz they’ll love her unconditionally! And Chloe will join them, because she’s been a lesbian in love with Lana all along!!! (Side note: There was actually an episode on the show involving a lesbian in love with Lana. So we’re not really exaggerating here.)
MG: Then Lois will join in since the writers will realize that Clark and Lois are supposed to be together. So Lois will be bi, and then it’ll become a foursome. Or fivesome.
Both of us: *uncontrollable laughter*

By this time, the episode had loaded and so we decided to shut up (about our ideas for future seasons of Smallville, of course) and watch. The episode passed in typical fashion – there were chants of “Stupid, stupid Lois!”, “SHUT UP, LANA!” and “WTF?! Why is he doing that?!” – par course for an episode of Smallville. The last scene came up – a sappy conversation between Clark and Lana – prompting the following exchange between MG and me:

Me: (as Lana comes on screen, ruining a perfectly nice scene between two other characters) Aiyo, why does she have to spoil everything?
MG: *barf*
Me: I know. We’re going to need a bigger bucket. *BARF*
MG: I need a toilet bowl – to barf and then shove in her face!

It should be known here that both of us like almost all the characters on the show, save Lana, but time and again, our devotion is tested – one of the characters (or worse, several at one go) will do something to praise, help or save Lana and it makes us hate them for a while before they get back into our good books. This is especially true in the case of Clark, who we like a lot (mainly ‘cuz he’s played by the gorgeous Tom Welling), but who sometimes just needs to grow up and get a clue. With him, it’s always LANA LANA LANA, so at times, it gets hard to keep the anger in check and keep loving him.

So when the big reveal happened – that Clark wasn’t really Clark, but just Bizarro posing as him – you can imagine how happy we were. All that barf-inducing sappiness was just a front – our dear Clark wasn’t really mooning all over Lana, despite her doing several shady things just a few episodes ago! It was Bizarro all along! Our reactions to the big reveal were pretty similar in their lack of well-formed words:

Me: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! OMG!
MG: (war-chanting) Yayayayayyayayayyayayayayay!!!
MG: 😀 😀 😀
Me: Yayayayayayayayayay! This is AWESOME! Not for poor Clark, of course.
MG: (still incapable of words) 😀 😀
Me: Okay, THIS is how you do an ending!
MG: (finally obtaining a rudimentary grasp of normal speech) AWESOME EPISODE!

Heh, I can still remember the jubiliation. Our show had come through for us – it had finally provided us with a Heroes-like ending! What an accomplishment! Well done, Smallville! *pets show* Don’t screw anything up now!

You know, it’s nice to have something to obsess over – something everybody knows about, despite you wanting to keep it a secret because you’re so ashamed of it. Did I ever mention my friends got me a custom-made Tom Welling mug for my birthday? It was one of the sweetest and most personalized things I’d received in ages.

So go on, let your obsession show through. Make a list of the insignificant, irrational things you hold really close to your heart – a TV show, a favourite celebrity, a stuffed toy. Maybe someone somewhere will get a clue. *winks*


6 thoughts on “"Small" Talk

  1. Clueless December 24, 2007 / 4:40 pm

    #MG,Heh. The more I think about it, the more I realize that we’re absolutely loony for so passionately hating a fictional character. We need help, sister. :PHaha, we totally should watch more episodes (virtually) together! But who knows when we’ll next get the chance?#Sayesha,Ha! Smallville may as well call itself a soap opera for all the drama it generates. The Lana death thing is a SV speciality – she’s died about seven times now, without any of those deaths actually sticking. Which is a major cause for hair-plucking for us Lana-haters, because of the “So close, yet so far” aspect of it all. ;)#Archun,Heh, yeah. Story of our lives! ;)#Quantumelixir,Didn’t think you would 😉 #Soleil,Darling, darling. How many times do I need to tell you? We don’t hate Lana because we luurve Tom Welling – the two are mutually exclusive! :PHee, but you’re too cute. Send us off to meet the guy? Aww! We’ll take you with us! 😀

  2. soleil December 20, 2007 / 2:39 pm

    ROFL!!! You two are hilarious! I, as you already know have somewhat been brain-washed by you into disliking Lana as well. I don’t hate her cos I’m not as much of a Tom-Welling-Ville freak as the two of you :p But I have to take my hat off to your devotion to this guy that will just remain a character on a TV show. If I had the money, I’d send both of you to meet the guy 😉

  3. quantumelixir December 17, 2007 / 11:04 pm

    a day later i still think the same about smallville.PS: i hardly have any readers on my blog :\ help!

  4. Archun December 17, 2007 / 10:34 pm

    hehehe…can’t believe all that was about Smallville and nearly 3/4ths was about Lana!! hehe..luved readin it though! 🙂

  5. Sayesha December 16, 2007 / 11:22 pm

    Hahahaha! If not for soap operas man.. how else would we come up with phrases like “Lana dies … PERMANENTLY!”? Hahahahahaha! 😀

  6. Macho Girl December 16, 2007 / 6:56 pm

    That was an awesome episode! And this is an awesome post! I was actually laughing out loud when i read the post. Ah…. fond memories :)Gosh, i never realised it until i read this post but both of us are hardcore Lana-bashers eh? The rational part of me is telling me that SV is just a show and that I shouldnt get too emotional about it but the irrational side is right now kicking down the rational part and cheering at the Lana-bashing post 😛 😛 😛 Did i mention this post made me laugh real hard? Amazing job!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 We should watch more smallville episodes (virutally) together 😉 :P(P.S. Yay Bizzaro!)

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