I spy, with my little eye…

…Spider-man 3! Was it good? Was it bad? Was it neither, and just excrutiatingly boring? Well, whatcha askin’ me for – read on and find out! (Or, easier, watch the movie. It’ll probably be quicker than reading this review. I have blogger diarrhoea! Er, not like that. You know what I mean.)

The Good

– James Franco. Seriously, I think he’s the only reason I watched all three Spider-man movies in the first place. The man is so damn good-looking, despite not having any specifically good-looking features. Sigh. I got weary with his character about halfway through, what with the writers flip-flopping him around from good to bad and then back to good, so I just stopped bothering with the plot and concentrated on the pretty (hey, it’s what got me through Smallville for six years!). ‘Cuz boy, was there a lot of it to go around. (I must admit though, that I got a bit freaked out when after two and a half movies of brooding and moping and generally being the bad boy, Harry became suddenly cheerful after getting boinked on the head. I mean, I could count a gazillion laugh lines every time the guy smiled. Creepy. Yet awfully adorable. Yes, I know. I’m off my rocker. *splashes happily in the shallow side of the pool*)

– The special effects. Good Lord, they literally had me on the edge of my seat all through the movie. I cringed every time someone went banging into a building/glass window/brick wall – and with every fight scene lasting several minutes, there was a lot of violence going on. But this is probably one of the very few times I’ve been able to watch so much violence without feeling squicked out, so thumbs up to the special effects guys. A lot of the stuff was very obvious CGI, but it didn’t detract from any of the scenes. If there’s anything about the movie worth watching (other than Mr. Franco, of course), it’s this. And it’s one of the three reasons a theatre-watch is highly recommended (the other two being James Franco (duh!) and Tobey Maguire’s pretty blue eyes).

Stan Lee! OMG, I totally wasn’t expecting that cameo. I geeked out when he guest-starred on Heroes, but watching him in a movie that wouldn’t exist were it not for him was truly spectacular. And I’m not even a comic book nerd!

– Gwen Stacy. She was pretty pointless (all she did was serve as a doll Peter could parade around in front of MJ and Eddie), but she was fun to watch. She was nice to Peter, chirpy and happy (unlike a certain lady of doom), didn’t stand for Peter’s bull-shitting with her, and actually apologized to MJ after Peter used her to goad MJ. Plus, she was totally working the Gwen Stefani hair, which is a very difficult style to work. You go, girl! (She’s a part of the Spider-man comics, for those not in the know, and is generally considered Peter’s first love, sort of like the Lana Lang to Spider-man’s Superman. And she apparently dies a very tragic death in the comics. Ack. God, I’m glad they didn’t go that way in the movie – imagine the angst that would’ve followed!)

– Sandman. I didn’t care for the guy, or his woe-is-me daughter, but they cast perfectly for the part. The guy playing him was huge and had the most gigantic, blank face I’ve seen in a long time. And the special effects for him were freakin’ awesome. Peter emptying his boots of sand after his first fight with him was hilarious too.

– The black costume. Damn, was it awesome or what? I’m all for good Spider-man and all, but that suit was just sexy as hell. Plus, the poster for the movie (above) was what made me watch the movie in the first place. It isn’t technically correct, considering black-suit Spidey ain’t no Bizarro, but it’s damn cool nonetheless.

– The TV show-style opening credits and the “Previously”s. As someone who didn’t remember much of what happened in the other two movies (other than the fact that MJ was irritating), it was nice to have a recap of sorts of the stuff that was relevant to the current movie.

The Bad (and the Whatevers)

– Goth!Peter. God, he was so hilarious. I get that the whole Emo Guy phase was meant to be funny, but he was less ha-ha funny and more “Geez, would you look at him? He so cannot pull this off!” funny. Tobey Maguire should really stick to the boy-next-door look, because the emo bangs of doom (that’s Peter Petrelli‘s area of speciality) and the mascara-ed eyes? Not his strong point.

– They freakin’ killed Harry off. The hell? It wasn’t enough that they un-prettied him by mutilating half his face, they had to go ahead and kill him off altogether? Freakin’ sadists. What will I come back for if there’s ever a Spider-man 4? Damn you, Raimi!

– The massive “Murder of Uncle Ben” retcon. What the hell? They needed a new villian so they went ahead and connected Sandman’s story to an already boring previous story? Man, the poor guy (Uncle Ben) was in the first movie for two minutes and they went ahead and used that for the next 6 hours of angsty revenge-filled storylines. Bo-ring.

– Topher Grace was really good in his role (and hello, pretty!), but for the life of me, I can’t shake the image of Eric Forman from my head every time I see him. To me, he’ll always be Eric (and I’ll see traces of him in whatever role he plays), just like Ashton Kutcher will always be dumb-ass Kelso. Actually Ashton recently got promoted to dumb-ass underage Kelso, who’s married to a much older Demi Moore, but Kelso nonetheless. Just like no matter what movies the Friends star in, they’ll always be the six goofy kids in Central Perk to me. Side-effects of starring on a good, long-running show, I guess.

– As my brother pointed out to me after the movie, what was with the random black goo that dropped to Earth in a meteor shower? I wonder how many people even caught the scene. I’m guessing many didn’t, which would explain why I kept getting questions like “Isn’t that black thing part of Harry’s experiments?” and “Where did that thing come from, again?” all through the movie. For something that played such an important role in later parts of the movie, its arrival was just glossed over. Weird.

– I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing, but I kept comparing everything in the movie to Superman. It was probably good, because it kept me looking out for details and interested in the movie (when otherwise I would’ve fallen asleep through everything but the action sequences). The bad part? It kept distracting me from the story I was actually supposed to be watching. Eh, you can’t have it both ways, I guess. But the similarities! Did anyone else notice them?

  • The Daily Bugle = The Daily Planet
  • Peter Parker (photographer for the DB, takes pictures of himself as Spider-man) = Clark Kent (reporter for the DP, writes stories about himself as Superman)
  • JJ Jameson = Perry White
  • Eddie Brock = Jimmy Olsen

See? Don’t you see them now? No? Sigh. Am I totally nuts or do I just watch too much Smallville? I’m thinking both.

The Ugly

– The Peter/MJ saga. Gah, it was like watching Smallville and Clark/Lana all over again. Both dysfunctional couples, both painfully boring, and both making me wonder what the hell the guy sees in the girl. Also, I’ve had it with the same old routine of getting MJ in trouble to get Peter off his ass. Can we please not have her falling/dangling from a tall building/web/cab in the sky be the high point of all the movies?

– MJ Watson. If there’s one person who could give Smallville‘s Lana Lang a run for her money in terms of most annoying superhero girlfriend, it is this woman. (Do I hear MG gasp? She thinks I consider Lana my worst enemy. Which would technically be true, but enter MJ, and I suddenly find Lana a whole lot more tolerable. Er, not really. I hate both equally.) I swear, there wasn’t a single scene involving MJ that I didn’t yawn my way through. She’s annoying, passive aggressive, irritating, whiny and self-centered, but good actors have been known to salvage potentially irritating characters. Kirsten Dunst, unfortunately, doesn’t belong to that lot, because nothing she did made me feel any more sympathetic towards MJ.

– Tobey Maguire crying. Oh, man. When Peter cried after MJ dumped him? I laughed hysterically (in my head, of course. Didn’t want the audience to think I was nutty). When he cried at Harry’s death? Hysterical laughter. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to be reacting that way to those scenes, but Maguire is so damn comical when he switches on the water-works. Within the blink of an eye (literally), he managed to disconnect me from the movie altogether. Hee.

Well, that’s about it. Yeah, I’m done criticizing now. If you’ve watched the movie, feel free to agree/disagree on any of the points made above. If you haven’t, go! Watch the movie, and then come back and agree/disagree on any of the points made above. Hey, a good discussion on a grade B movie is always fun, right?


8 thoughts on “I spy, with my little eye…

  1. Clueless June 29, 2007 / 11:40 am

    #CS,Oh, they have plenty of villains left, don’t worry. The comic books spew out dozens of bad guys with every issue, so they can keep making as many movies as they like. The only question is, with Harry out of the picture now, what incentive do we have to watch any more of the Spidey movies? :P#Sowmya,Oh, thank God! Someone else who finds Lana irritating! It’s good to have company in that area, yo! ;)A solemn “Amen!” to all your other points too. Having sat next to each other the entire movie, I think we made our feelings about everything pretty clear then and there! 😀

  2. Anonymous June 26, 2007 / 2:59 pm

    oh i forgot to add my name. that long anon comment is from me, sowmya g.

  3. Anonymous June 26, 2007 / 2:58 pm

    Wow…so many points, hope i can reply to as many as possible. OK, starting with james franco…aaaahhh what can i say about him? dark green eyes, handsome face, great body, anything i’ve missed out? =p. it’s really too bad they added insult to injury by mutilating the poor guy and then killing him off, and this after he reformed!!!! grrrr. the time when he started laughing away scared me slightly, cos his whole face changes when he smiles! but he has nice white teeth, so it’s fine. =pPete’s Emo Moments were really awkward, i agree; i didn’t know whether to laugh or cringe. What with all the hair falling over his face, the dance on the sidewalk, etc etc. But it was comical!I agree that MJ is rather irritating at times! And i completely agree that Lana from Superman is just as annoying. All i feel like doing is slapping her face. It’s true, dunno what these guys see in those girls!!!The Sandman was interesting; he had really very blue eyes! But yes, like u said, a blank face, like some sort of trained killer!! U just have to look at his face to know that he can kill. But the special effects were superb, like when he hides in the truck full of sand, and jumps the officer who climbs up to investigate!And overall, the special effects were wonderful!! Well, i enjoyed the movie. haha!

  4. Confused Soul May 31, 2007 / 12:52 pm

    // They freakin’ killed Harry off. What will I come back for if there’s ever a Spider-man 4? Damn you, Raimi!So very true 😦 😦 I wonder if they’ll ever make Spiderman 4 though..No more enemies left, MJ and Pete are together again, Harry’s dead..well, we’ll just wait and watch! 🙂

  5. Clueless May 19, 2007 / 10:45 pm

    Argh! I had a whole big reply comment all typed out, and my stupid computer ate it. Grr. *kicks comp* (Ow!) Anyway…#CS,Heh, go watch quickly and come back and tell me what you thought! :)#Raghu,Yeah, if you go into the theatre with action in mind, you’ll come out of it giving it a freakin’ A+ ;)#MG,Franco = le pretty. I think we’re all universally agreed on that. 😀 And yeah, I totally agree with your comment about how we have to go through torture for the cute fellas. I mean, imagine how much crap I sit through every week for a glimpse of TW! (Aaaand “Superman” just started playing on my iTunes. Oh, the irony.)Sandman was so blah, wasn’t he? Heh, I would’ve given anything to hear him say “Marco throw, Marco bash!” Just something more to remind me of Smallville (as if I didn’t think about it enough already :P)Oh, god. Don’t even get me started on Goth!Peter again, or I’ll never stop. I couldn’t help thinking all through the sequence: “Milo Ventimiglia would’ve pulled this off so much better!” Trust Heroes to spoil me :POf course I caught the meteor thing! I was just amused that they barely even focused on it, so much so that many people around me missed it. Attuned that I am to every single Smallville detail, there’s no way I would’ve missed a meteor mention, but shouldn’t the writers be writing for a larger chunk of the audience? 😉 And meteors are definitely the source of all our problems. Right after LuthorCorp experiments gone horribly wrong. :POh, I made the Eddie comparison based on how he was acting before he went all crazy and venom-y. You know, the over-excited, nerdy, geeky photographer trying to get a picture of Spiderman. I agree though, that the comparison wore off once he started going insane.Yes, thank you! Dunst and Maguire are totally mis-matched age-wise. Thanks for pointing it out to me, it’s been bothering me for ages!Aaand here’s your medal. I knew you had it in you! *applauds* 😀

  6. Macho Girl May 18, 2007 / 11:29 am

    At one point you mentioned “MG” in the post. Thats me right? There are just too many “MJs” running around that seeing an MG all of a sudden is weird :PLets tackle this point by point. I totally agree with what u had to say about James Franco. He is so darn good looking! But somehow I didnt get freaked when he went bonkers and started being this cheerful person n all. It was a nice change from “i want revenge! my daddy was killed! I want revenge” kinda attitude. It was nice to see him smile so much and well… be so relaxed! When his memory came back, i was like “crap!” 😛 And stooopid people mutilated his cute face! Damn them!!!! I was so boiling mad when I saw that! and during the fight with venom, the minute i saw the blades come out of his board thingy, i knew he was gonna die. it was so obvious! And i was bloody angry they killed him off just when things were beginning to settle with the whole good-harry-bad-harry thing. *sigh*. us girls looking for cute stuff have to go through a lot of torture, don’t we? :-<I wont say anything about action. It was duh that the bloody thing was brilliant!I liked sandman. He was so “D’oh”-ish! Me steal money! Me cure daughter! Me bash!Goth Peter was hilarious coz he was an embarassment to himself! erm… that sounded weird, but you know what i mean! The whole dance on the footpath was ridiculous! Toby was dance or whatever on the footpath like how he did in spidey 2 for “rain drops are fallin on my head” song, but not the goth look! So doesnt suit him! those didnt look like emo bangs. they just looked like a naughty boy messing with the mommie-combed-my-hair look. It was stooopid. And hey! When someone turns evil or dark or whatever, why do they turn into a goth person or whatever??? discrimination!!! Take ’em to court! :PYou didn’t catch the whole meteor thingy??!!!! :O :O :O Rule number one in superhero stuff. If weird things happen, blame it on some meteor!!!! I was rolling my eyes in that scene coz it seemed to be taking a leeetle turn into smallville avenue. But it came back to Spiderman highway. So PHEW! But still… YOU DIDNT NOTICE THE THINGY COME OUT OF THE METEOR! Lemme teach u… repeat after me… Meteors are the sources of all our problems! ;)The DP=DB and pete=clark comparison are ok. Jameson=perry white… i can still digest. but i totally disagree with eddie=jimmy! Jimmy is such a sweet guy! He isnt after clark’s job! He works with clark and they are friends!!! There was one other thing that reminded me of superman. In a particular rescue scene, spiderman swings in and pauses for a moment on a tall building with the american flag flying in the background. They are trying to make spidey as popular are superman as an All-American-Hero! But defintely Eddie NOT EQUAL Jimmy! I’ll agree with pete/MJ saga being as annoying as clana. cant decide who is more annoying. Dunst, for one thing, looks too old to be MJ. Either that or Toby looks too immature and young to be Pete/spiderman. And yeah, the whole crying thingy was hilarious!!!! =)) Okie… me done with my mile long comment. I am sure i have broken all of my previous records! I am ready to receive a prize or a medal of honour from you any time now. *looks expectantly* 😛 😛

  7. raghu May 18, 2007 / 12:41 am

    i really njoyed the movie.. went in for action..got truck loads of that 🙂

  8. Confused Soul May 17, 2007 / 3:19 pm

    I think this is the first time I’m the first one to comment! :)But I haven’t read your post yet.. I want to watch the movie first and the n comment coz I don’t want to know too much about the movie when I go into the theatre.. it won’t be exciting then 🙂

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