…Spider-man 3! Was it good? Was it bad? Was it neither, and just excrutiatingly boring? Well, whatcha askin’ me for – read on and find out! (Or, easier, watch the movie. It’ll probably be quicker than reading this review. I have blogger diarrhoea! Er, not like that. You know what I mean.)
– James Franco. Seriously, I think he’s the only reason I watched all three Spider-man movies in the first place. The man is so damn good-looking, despite not having any specifically good-looking features. Sigh. I got weary with his character about halfway through, what with the writers flip-flopping him around from good to bad and then back to good, so I just stopped bothering with the plot and concentrated on the pretty (hey, it’s what got me through Smallville for six years!). ‘Cuz boy, was there a lot of it to go around. (I must admit though, that I got a bit freaked out when after two and a half movies of brooding and moping and generally being the bad boy, Harry became suddenly cheerful after getting boinked on the head. I mean, I could count a gazillion laugh lines every time the guy smiled. Creepy. Yet awfully adorable. Yes, I know. I’m off my rocker. *splashes happily in the shallow side of the pool*)
– The special effects. Good Lord, they literally had me on the edge of my seat all through the movie. I cringed every time someone went banging into a building/glass window/brick wall – and with every fight scene lasting several minutes, there was a lot of violence going on. But this is probably one of the very few times I’ve been able to watch so much violence without feeling squicked out, so thumbs up to the special effects guys. A lot of the stuff was very obvious CGI, but it didn’t detract from any of the scenes. If there’s anything about the movie worth watching (other than Mr. Franco, of course), it’s this. And it’s one of the three reasons a theatre-watch is highly recommended (the other two being James Franco (duh!) and Tobey Maguire’s pretty blue eyes).
– Stan Lee! OMG, I totally wasn’t expecting that cameo. I geeked out when he guest-starred on Heroes, but watching him in a movie that wouldn’t exist were it not for him was truly spectacular. And I’m not even a comic book nerd!
– Gwen Stacy. She was pretty pointless (all she did was serve as a doll Peter could parade around in front of MJ and Eddie), but she was fun to watch. She was nice to Peter, chirpy and happy (unlike a certain lady of doom), didn’t stand for Peter’s bull-shitting with her, and actually apologized to MJ after Peter used her to goad MJ. Plus, she was totally working the Gwen Stefani hair, which is a very difficult style to work. You go, girl! (She’s a part of the Spider-man comics, for those not in the know, and is generally considered Peter’s first love, sort of like the Lana Lang to Spider-man’s Superman. And she apparently dies a very tragic death in the comics. Ack. God, I’m glad they didn’t go that way in the movie – imagine the angst that would’ve followed!)
– Sandman. I didn’t care for the guy, or his woe-is-me daughter, but they cast perfectly for the part. The guy playing him was huge and had the most gigantic, blank face I’ve seen in a long time. And the special effects for him were freakin’ awesome. Peter emptying his boots of sand after his first fight with him was hilarious too.
– The black costume. Damn, was it awesome or what? I’m all for good Spider-man and all, but that suit was just sexy as hell. Plus, the poster for the movie (above) was what made me watch the movie in the first place. It isn’t technically correct, considering black-suit Spidey ain’t no Bizarro, but it’s damn cool nonetheless.
– The TV show-style opening credits and the “Previously”s. As someone who didn’t remember much of what happened in the other two movies (other than the fact that MJ was irritating), it was nice to have a recap of sorts of the stuff that was relevant to the current movie.
The Bad (and the Whatevers)
– Goth!Peter. God, he was so hilarious. I get that the whole Emo Guy phase was meant to be funny, but he was less ha-ha funny and more “Geez, would you look at him? He so cannot pull this off!” funny. Tobey Maguire should really stick to the boy-next-door look, because the emo bangs of doom (that’s Peter Petrelli‘s area of speciality) and the mascara-ed eyes? Not his strong point.
– They freakin’ killed Harry off. The hell? It wasn’t enough that they un-prettied him by mutilating half his face, they had to go ahead and kill him off altogether? Freakin’ sadists. What will I come back for if there’s ever a Spider-man 4? Damn you, Raimi!
– The massive “Murder of Uncle Ben” retcon. What the hell? They needed a new villian so they went ahead and connected Sandman’s story to an already boring previous story? Man, the poor guy (Uncle Ben) was in the first movie for two minutes and they went ahead and used that for the next 6 hours of angsty revenge-filled storylines. Bo-ring.
– Topher Grace was really good in his role (and hello, pretty!), but for the life of me, I can’t shake the image of Eric Forman from my head every time I see him. To me, he’ll always be Eric (and I’ll see traces of him in whatever role he plays), just like Ashton Kutcher will always be dumb-ass Kelso. Actually Ashton recently got promoted to dumb-ass underage Kelso, who’s married to a much older Demi Moore, but Kelso nonetheless. Just like no matter what movies the Friends star in, they’ll always be the six goofy kids in Central Perk to me. Side-effects of starring on a good, long-running show, I guess.
– As my brother pointed out to me after the movie, what was with the random black goo that dropped to Earth in a meteor shower? I wonder how many people even caught the scene. I’m guessing many didn’t, which would explain why I kept getting questions like “Isn’t that black thing part of Harry’s experiments?” and “Where did that thing come from, again?” all through the movie. For something that played such an important role in later parts of the movie, its arrival was just glossed over. Weird.
– I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing, but I kept comparing everything in the movie to Superman. It was probably good, because it kept me looking out for details and interested in the movie (when otherwise I would’ve fallen asleep through everything but the action sequences). The bad part? It kept distracting me from the story I was actually supposed to be watching. Eh, you can’t have it both ways, I guess. But the similarities! Did anyone else notice them?
- The Daily Bugle = The Daily Planet
- Peter Parker (photographer for the DB, takes pictures of himself as Spider-man) = Clark Kent (reporter for the DP, writes stories about himself as Superman)
- JJ Jameson = Perry White
- Eddie Brock = Jimmy Olsen
See? Don’t you see them now? No? Sigh. Am I totally nuts or do I just watch too much Smallville? I’m thinking both.
– The Peter/MJ saga. Gah, it was like watching Smallville and Clark/Lana all over again. Both dysfunctional couples, both painfully boring, and both making me wonder what the hell the guy sees in the girl. Also, I’ve had it with the same old routine of getting MJ in trouble to get Peter off his ass. Can we please not have her falling/dangling from a tall building/web/cab in the sky be the high point of all the movies?
– MJ Watson. If there’s one person who could give Smallville‘s Lana Lang a run for her money in terms of most annoying superhero girlfriend, it is this woman. (Do I hear MG gasp? She thinks I consider Lana my worst enemy. Which would technically be true, but enter MJ, and I suddenly find Lana a whole lot more tolerable. Er, not really. I hate both equally.) I swear, there wasn’t a single scene involving MJ that I didn’t yawn my way through. She’s annoying, passive aggressive, irritating, whiny and self-centered, but good actors have been known to salvage potentially irritating characters. Kirsten Dunst, unfortunately, doesn’t belong to that lot, because nothing she did made me feel any more sympathetic towards MJ.
– Tobey Maguire crying. Oh, man. When Peter cried after MJ dumped him? I laughed hysterically (in my head, of course. Didn’t want the audience to think I was nutty). When he cried at Harry’s death? Hysterical laughter. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to be reacting that way to those scenes, but Maguire is so damn comical when he switches on the water-works. Within the blink of an eye (literally), he managed to disconnect me from the movie altogether. Hee.
Well, that’s about it. Yeah, I’m done criticizing now. If you’ve watched the movie, feel free to agree/disagree on any of the points made above. If you haven’t, go! Watch the movie, and then come back and agree/disagree on any of the points made above. Hey, a good discussion on a grade B movie is always fun, right?