This episode was inspired by a real-life incident*.
Intern: Doctor? I think we have a problem.
Guest Appearance: Ms. Clueless, as patient suffering from ‘Resultorrhea’.
[Shot of hospital room with interns surrounding a patient in bed. A doctor is nearby, supervising.]
Doctor: Stevens. You may start.
Intern 1: Yes, sir. [reading] Patient has been exhibiting signs of hypertension, hyperventilation, hyper[insert fancy-schmancy medical term of choice], nervous breakdowns, palpitation, dehydration, sweating and nightmares. Refuses to calm down, and insists on running around the house with a crazed maniacal look shouting, “I’m gonna fail! I’m gonna fail!”.
Doctor: I see. What do you think the problem is?
Intern 1: There’s no room for doubt, sir. It’s crystal clear. The patient is suffering from Resultorrhea.
Doctor: Hmm. O’Malley. Elaborate.
Intern 2: Caused by the pathogen Examen resultarius (or E.resultarius), Resultorrhea is extremely common among children and young adults, and is found to occur most frequently during the months of May, June and July, which is when the pathogen chooses to breed. Resultorrhea is rarely fatal, though it causes severe discomfort, and can occur as often as three to four times a year, depending on the person’s age.
Doctor: Very good. Dr Grey – what are the ways one can treat this dreadful disease?
Intern 3: Well, sir, the best option is just to wait it out. One good dose of ‘Good Grades’ helps to completely rid the body of the disease. ‘Parental Support’ is found to be very helpful in reducing its severity, though the disease has been known to die down a few days after the symptoms appear, without either of these dosages. Prevention is always better than cure, though, so ‘Doing Well In Exams’ is recommended, as it is an excellent preventive measure. Avoiding dependency on ‘Luck’ and other such restoratives also helps.
Doctor: Excellent! I’m impressed. I’m sure you’ll be able to take good care of Ms Clueless here onwards. I’ll be seeing you around. Good luck.
Interns: [beaming] Thank you, sir.
[End of scene]
[Cut to: another shot of the hospital room, with emergency alarms going off, and hospital staff rushing in]
Doctor: [rushing towards room] Stevens! Stevens, wait! What is the problem?
Intern 1: Sir, we administered a dose of ‘Good Results’ to the patient a few minutes ago, and she seems to be having an extreme reaction to it. She jumped out of bed and has been leaping around the room ever since. We haven’t been able to calm her, no sedatives seem to be helping, and she’s hugging and kissing everyone in sight. Not to mention the wild jumping for joy and the insane screaming – [shudders] it’s horrible, sir.
Doctor: Curses! Are you sure you gave her the right dosage?
Intern 1: [sheepish] Well…we might’ve upped it a bit. I have a feeling the dosage was quite more than what was required. We just didn’t want to take any risks. We’re extremely sorry, sir – it won’t happen again!
Doctor: Damn it! All of you stay out. I’m going to have to fix this myself…
[Rushes into room. A few minutes later…]
Doctor: [wiping brow] Well, it’s been fixed. She’s back in bed.
Intern 3: What did you do, Doctor?
Doctor: Well, it wasn’t easy. She was extremely ecstatic, and I had to come up with something, fast.
Doctor: [smiling cunningly] I gave her a good dose of ‘Next-Sem-Is-Going-To-Be-Much-Much-Worse-And-You’re-Going-To-Have-To-Work-Twice-As-Hard-To-Achieve-Half-As-Much’. Yeah, long-winded name, but it was worth it. Brought her down like that. *snaps fingers* She’s in bed now, resting. And all her symptoms are gone. She’s perfectly fine. All back to normal.
Interns: [gushing] Amazing! This proves it – you really are the best doctor around here!
Doctor: [blushing] Well, I don’t know about that. But don’t let me catch you making the same mistake again. Too much of a good thing can be harmful, you know. Always know the counter-cure.
Intern: Yes, sir. We understand.
Doctor: Good. Don’t just stand there gaping at me, now. Back to work, c’mon! Off you go!
[Shot of interns making their way back to their stations, smiling.]
[Fade to black]
Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘Grey’s Anatomy’. If I did, Meredith Grey would not exist. 😛
*Dedicated to MG, Soleil and Bubble-Burster, who inspire fond memories, and without who ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ is no fun and isn’t worth watching. I miss you dudettes!
P.S. : Special dedication to BB, whose birthday it is today. Happy Birthday dudette, and here’s wishing ya loads o’ visits from McDreamy (in your dreams!) sans Meredith! Hope you have a great day! 😀