Doctor? We have a problem.

Grey’s Anatomy.

This episode was inspired by a real-life incident*.


Intern: Doctor? I think we have a problem.

[Opening credits]

Guest Appearance: Ms. Clueless, as patient suffering from ‘Resultorrhea’.

[Shot of hospital room with interns surrounding a patient in bed. A doctor is nearby, supervising.]

Doctor: Stevens. You may start.

Intern 1: Yes, sir. [reading] Patient has been exhibiting signs of hypertension, hyperventilation, hyper[insert fancy-schmancy medical term of choice], nervous breakdowns, palpitation, dehydration, sweating and nightmares. Refuses to calm down, and insists on running around the house with a crazed maniacal look shouting, “I’m gonna fail! I’m gonna fail!”.

Doctor: I see. What do you think the problem is?

Intern 1: There’s no room for doubt, sir. It’s crystal clear. The patient is suffering from Resultorrhea.

Doctor: Hmm. O’Malley. Elaborate.

Intern 2: Caused by the pathogen Examen resultarius (or E.resultarius), Resultorrhea is extremely common among children and young adults, and is found to occur most frequently during the months of May, June and July, which is when the pathogen chooses to breed. Resultorrhea is rarely fatal, though it causes severe discomfort, and can occur as often as three to four times a year, depending on the person’s age.

Doctor: Very good. Dr Grey – what are the ways one can treat this dreadful disease?

Intern 3: Well, sir, the best option is just to wait it out. One good dose of ‘Good Grades’ helps to completely rid the body of the disease. ‘Parental Support’ is found to be very helpful in reducing its severity, though the disease has been known to die down a few days after the symptoms appear, without either of these dosages. Prevention is always better than cure, though, so ‘Doing Well In Exams’ is recommended, as it is an excellent preventive measure. Avoiding dependency on ‘Luck’ and other such restoratives also helps.

Doctor: Excellent! I’m impressed. I’m sure you’ll be able to take good care of Ms Clueless here onwards. I’ll be seeing you around. Good luck.

Interns: [beaming] Thank you, sir.

[End of scene]

[Cut to: another shot of the hospital room, with emergency alarms going off, and hospital staff rushing in]

Doctor: [rushing towards room] Stevens! Stevens, wait! What is the problem?

Intern 1: Sir, we administered a dose of ‘Good Results’ to the patient a few minutes ago, and she seems to be having an extreme reaction to it. She jumped out of bed and has been leaping around the room ever since. We haven’t been able to calm her, no sedatives seem to be helping, and she’s hugging and kissing everyone in sight. Not to mention the wild jumping for joy and the insane screaming – [shudders] it’s horrible, sir.

Doctor: Curses! Are you sure you gave her the right dosage?

Intern 1: [sheepish] Well…we might’ve upped it a bit. I have a feeling the dosage was quite more than what was required. We just didn’t want to take any risks. We’re extremely sorry, sir – it won’t happen again!

Doctor: Damn it! All of you stay out. I’m going to have to fix this myself…

[Rushes into room. A few minutes later…]

Doctor: [wiping brow] Well, it’s been fixed. She’s back in bed.

Intern 3: What did you do, Doctor?

Doctor: Well, it wasn’t easy. She was extremely ecstatic, and I had to come up with something, fast.

Interns: Well….???

Doctor: [smiling cunningly] I gave her a good dose of ‘Next-Sem-Is-Going-To-Be-Much-Much-Worse-And-You’re-Going-To-Have-To-Work-Twice-As-Hard-To-Achieve-Half-As-Much’. Yeah, long-winded name, but it was worth it. Brought her down like that. *snaps fingers* She’s in bed now, resting. And all her symptoms are gone. She’s perfectly fine. All back to normal.

Interns: [gushing] Amazing! This proves it – you really are the best doctor around here!

Doctor: [blushing] Well, I don’t know about that. But don’t let me catch you making the same mistake again. Too much of a good thing can be harmful, you know. Always know the counter-cure.

Intern: Yes, sir. We understand.

Doctor: Good. Don’t just stand there gaping at me, now. Back to work, c’mon! Off you go!

[Shot of interns making their way back to their stations, smiling.]

[Fade to black]

Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘Grey’s Anatomy’. If I did, Meredith Grey would not exist. 😛

*Dedicated to MG, Soleil and Bubble-Burster, who inspire fond memories, and without who ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ is no fun and isn’t worth watching. I miss you dudettes!

P.S. : Special dedication to BB, whose birthday it is today. Happy Birthday dudette, and here’s wishing ya loads o’ visits from McDreamy (in your dreams!) sans Meredith! Hope you have a great day! 😀


15 thoughts on “Doctor? We have a problem.

  1. Anonymous July 13, 2006 / 8:22 pm

    I wish i were there when your results got announced 😉 hehehehe……Now, I have an increased interest in watching Grey’s Anantomy!!!Cheers,Vijay

  2. Clueless June 15, 2006 / 12:27 am

    #Sayesha,Yipee! Thanks! :D#Aarti,Welcome! And hope your younger brother also liked the post! :DAnd thanks so much for the wishes! 🙂

  3. Rebellion June 8, 2006 / 1:37 am

    hehehe..That was really cute & hilarious :DLoved reading every bit of it, in fact loved it sooo much, made my younger bro read it too as I read it for the second time :DC O N G R A T U L A T I O N S :)Wish you all the luck for next sem :PTake care,Aarti

  4. Sayesha June 7, 2006 / 1:18 am

    Yippeeeee! Congrats! 🙂

  5. Clueless June 6, 2006 / 11:10 am

    #Confused soul,Thanks! And yeah, trying to make the most of my hols right now. Does doing absolutely nothing count as ‘enjoying the hols’? :P#Sowmya,Somebody was in a hurry and made a typo! Ok ok, I’ll stop ribbing you. :PAnd haha, not worrying at all, sis. Especially not now! 😀

  6. sowmya June 5, 2006 / 11:21 pm

    HILAIROUS. 🙂 and we’ve all been there, so don’t worry!

  7. Confused Soul June 5, 2006 / 12:18 pm

    Oh my god!!What an awesome post!! Wish we could see u jumping around the room.. lol.. we’ll save that for next sem..haha…congrats! And don’t worry about next semester just yet…there’s time for it…for now, enjoy your hols!! Umm.. that doesnt’ mean the emergency alarms should go off again 😉

  8. Clueless June 3, 2006 / 9:57 pm

    #Soleil,Hehe, thanks! And ask my mum how many times I kissed her after the results came out, and she’ll give you her exasperated answer! Totally smothered her, I did! :P#Neo,Haha, thanks! But I’d rather not have the cure at all lah! Don’t feel like doing double the work next sem! 😦

  9. Neo Kryptik June 3, 2006 / 9:08 pm

    congratulations for the amazing cure for , wat do u call it? ‘Resultorrhea’!!

  10. soleil June 3, 2006 / 11:23 am

    Haha wonderful post! you did great this sem and you deserve to do well 😉 boy the thought of you jumping around the room kissing and hugging everyone in sight made me laugh :p

  11. Clueless June 1, 2006 / 1:57 pm

    #Viv,Haha, thanks! :)#MG,You’re proud of me? Awww, thanks so much! It means a lot! *sniff* :)And I’ll try and update more often, just for ya! ;)#Bubble burster,No probs! Glad to know you had a good time on your birthday! We’ll give you a mini-party (complete with cake-on-face parts) once we get back! 😉

  12. bubble burster June 1, 2006 / 12:22 pm

    hi…thank you so much :)… i had a great day on my birthday but really missed you guys…the post was really nice… i havent watched much of greys anatomy since ive got back…its no fun watching alone..ofcourse ive watched an episode or two just to look at mcdreamy;).. anyway..thank you again 🙂

  13. Macho Girl May 31, 2006 / 5:22 pm

    And Happy Birthday Bubble burster! May you burst many more bubbles! (not mine though! pweeze leave my bubbles alone! I’ll be a good girl! I pwomise! *bats eyelashes and tries to look cute and innocent*)but seriously dudettehappy birthday!!!

  14. Macho Girl May 31, 2006 / 4:26 pm

    first of all….CONGRATULATIONS!!!! :D:D:D:DAnd second of all… what a super dedication! I miss all of u too! I watched only 1 or 2 episodes of Grey’s anatomy since I came back. Its not the same without u guys. I wonder if we’ll have time for that when we get back… afterall, as u said it… its gonna get harder next semester…Excellent post dudette! i dunno if this topic “clicked” or not, but it was gr8!;)YOU SHUD UPDATE UR BLOG MORE OFTEN!!!Once again… congratulations dudette! u deserved those excellent results after all the effort u put it! u go girl 😀 really proud of u *wipes tears of joys* *sniff* 😛 :D:D:D

  15. viv May 31, 2006 / 12:59 pm

    I don’t know anything about Grey’s Anatomy, but this was funny… :)Congratulations!

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