July has come and with it has ended the three month long race for admissions. When I was writing my final exams, I was blown over by the thought of a three month holiday. Holiday, my foot. What has ensued has been three months of total chaos and confusion. Three months of filling out applications, running to colleges all over the city, waiting anxiously for the results and the actual admission process. Sometimes I wonder if its worth all the tension and stress.
I hate making decisions. I would prefer that somebody make my choices, because I’m the sort of person who can adjust to any sort of environment. But these three months have been a nightmare for me. Constant weighing of pros and cons has driven me mad. I wish I could just jump three months ahead and find myself comfortably settled in some university, in the midst of classes and enjoying myself. I’m tired of waiting. I just want all this to get over as quickly as possible and move on.
And just when I thought the worst was over, I find that I’m stuck again. I have to make another decision. Between staying home and moving abroad. Between familiarity and newness. I’m a mess. I don’t know what I want, and that makes everything doubly worse. But I’m just gonna have to shut up and make my way through this period. I’ll make a decision, because I have to.
Aaaarrgh. What a crazy time.